“I Was Surrounded by Beauty and Glimmers of Hope and Goodness”: Reflections from Awake’s Third Annual Survivor Retreat
“I felt God's love overflowing for each one of us during the retreat and that He knows everything we have each gone through and that He suffers with us. I felt His presence profoundly while standing under the night sky around the fire, in the fireflies that shone their ethereal lights around me, in the gentle rustling of the leaves, and most of all, within my fellow survivors who have suffered through so much pain and loss but reflect God's tenderness and love in such a profound and indescribable way.” - Lucy
As in summers past, retreatants and members of the retreat team, some of whom are showed here, gathered at the beautiful Cedar Valley Retreat Center in West Bend, Wisconsin.
Just a few weeks ago, Awake held its third annual retreat for survivors of sexual abuse by Catholic leaders. This was my second time helping as a facilitator. I’m relatively new to Awake—first connecting with Sara only a couple of years ago—but it quickly became clear to me that Awake is unlike any other community I’ve been a part of, and so is this retreat.
Arriving at the Cedar Valley Retreat Center this year felt like returning to a familiar haven, a safe place set apart. And I wasn’t the only person with that feeling. Mixed in with the nervousness of being new and the nagging doubt of not-belonging, there was also the tangible excitement—from both participants and leaders—of meeting people you’ve only seen over Zoom, and the joy of reconnecting with friends.
The theme this year for the retreat was “In the Storm.” Drawing from the two accounts in Mark’s Gospel of the disciples caught in a storm with Jesus, the retreat used the images of these stories to share about trauma, community, and hope.
At the end of Friday evening’s prayer service, participants placed their personalized In the Storm candles around the central Christ candle.
On Friday we drew our attention to the storm itself and the disciples’ cry of lament to a sleeping Christ, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” (Mark 4:38). On Saturday we focused on the experiences of finding care from others and from Christ, “in the boat” in the midst of the storm. Then on Sunday we shared what the horizon of hope means for each of us.
For me, one of the most meaningful aspects of the retreat was the genuineness and honesty from everyone there. The Awake leaders, as well as the community of participants, created such a space of trust and safety that everyone was a little more free to be vulnerable and honest, both about their story, and about their immediate needs on the retreat. Everyone was more free to hold space for others and to advocate for themselves. This genuineness gave a life and meaning to the community, prayer, and liturgies that I rarely encounter anywhere else. The retreat was holy ground.
Join Us Next Year!
For the first time, Awake will be hosting two retreats next year in West Bend, Wisconsin. The dates are July 17-19, 2026 (for women only) and August 7-9, 2026. If you have experienced sexual abuse by a Catholic leader and would like to be notified when registration opens, please contact Survivor Care Coordinator Esther Harber at estherharber@awakecommunity.org.
There were so many moments of connection, healing, and grace, too many to share in a blog post. But I wanted to end with some of the reflections that survivors wrote and gave us permission to share:
One of the many beautiful views from the retreat grounds.
This year’s retreat team: Paul Fahey, Meghan Fiebelkorn, Esther Harber, Sara Knutson, Sara Larson, and Laura Hancock
“The Awake annual retreat is a gift from the faith community to survivors of clergy sexual abuse. For me, it has been a powerful transmission: my spirit was invited forward to reclaim my dignity, and my will to live, both in the darkness of profound loss, and the luminosity of God's love shown to me in the shining faces of allies: compassionate, humble, and the kinship of vulnerability. Pure medicine for a wounded heart.” - Kate
“The abuse I experienced happened when I was on a retreat as a teenager. I never imagined that I would feel safe at a retreat ever again, but the consideration and care that Awake gives to survivors made it possible for me to participate in this experience, and it very much felt healing.” - Anonymous
“I learned so much from the shared perspectives of attendees, all heartfelt and powerful, framed by the theme and programmed parts of the weekend. Something new broke through to my heart that I never expected - from the authenticity of fellow attendees about their journeys toward greater truth, if not eventually greater wholeness and support.” - Mike
“It is difficult to put into words how my experience at this retreat was. As harrowing, painful, and dark the abuse and its aftermath has been for me, this retreat was just the opposite. I was surrounded by beauty and glimmers of hope and goodness everywhere I turned - in the beautiful setting, the thoughtfulness and sensitivity of the retreat leaders and volunteers, the quiet and humble listening by the priests who accompany us, and most of all - in the fellow survivors. Just being with them was so healing for me.” - Lucy
- Paul Fahey, Retreat Team Volunteer
Retreatants Offer Thanks
Many participants expressed gratitude for the numerous people who made this retreat possible, including volunteers, donors, and prayer partners. A participant who wishes to remain anonymous shared this message to pass along to those who supported the retreat: “This retreat is consistently the safest weekend of the year for me and I am grateful for all that goes into making it happen. Your generosity is life giving. There is nowhere else that I feel so secure, seen, and cared for without having to pretend. I thank you for what you have given. It has helped me grieve and hope. It has helped me reconnect with God who is truth and love.”
Awake is a community that strives to be compassionate, survivor-centered, faithful, welcoming, humble, courageous, and hopeful. We thank you for choosing your words with care when commenting, and we reserve the right to remove comments that are inappropriate or hurtful.