Scarlett Faltys-Burr
“My family hopes our story of being exploited due to our vulnerability as immigrants is taken to heart and that our testimony helps bring about change.”
Awake: We’re grateful you chose to share your story with the Awake community, Scarlett. As we begin, what would you like to share about yourself and your life apart from your abuse?
Scarlett Faltys-Burr: Experiencing childhood sexual abuse caused me to lose my sense of identity and left me feeling unworthy of love, but I try to remind myself each day that I am a beloved child of God. I am also the beloved daughter of Vietnamese refugees who fled to America after some of our family members were imprisoned and attacked by the Viet Cong due to their employment in the Catholic Church. My family left everything to come to America, where we strive to make meaningful contributions to the country that had granted us asylum. I worked as a researcher at University of Washington Medical Center before discovering my passion for helping foster children. My husband and I are foster parents, and I am also a legal advocate for foster children. There are times I’m thankful that I experienced abuse because I have a deeper understanding of what my foster children have gone through. My husband and I also have three pet rabbits. Their names are C.S. Lewis, Pegasus, and Moonbeam.
Q: It seems like your family’s experience and sacrifice, as well as your own history, have developed deep compassion in you. I wonder, what would you like to share about your abuse?
A: My abuser took advantage of my family’s vulnerability as immigrants who received assistance from the Church, both in the forms of the financial assistance we received when we first settled in America and the mentoring he offered when I expressed interest in pursuing a religious vocation. I met my abuser when I was in the 5th grade after he volunteered to mentor me outside of Church. Over the years, his actions and words gradually became increasingly sexually aggressive. I printed out the sexually explicit emails he sent me and showed them to my parents and brother. My parents confronted my abuser, but he coerced us into remaining silent with threats of retaliation that included physical violence against me. Not only did my abuser prey upon my childhood innocence, but he also exploited my parent’s lack of familiarity with the American legal system and the power imbalance between Church staff and recipients of Church aid.
Q: Wow. What you and your family suffered from the Church in the United States was profoundly wrong. I am so sorry, Scarlett. What has been the most difficult or challenging part about your journey as a survivor?
A: The Church’s response to the abuse caused us a great deal of heartache. When I disclosed my abuse to the Church, my parents came forward to corroborate my account and offer additional information I had forgotten or blocked out. No one from the archdiocese would listen to them. As if being dismissed wasn’t hurtful enough, the new priest assigned to our parish in 2024 insisted that I consented to the abuse and was morally responsible because I was over the age of reason when the abuse occurred. He instructed me to recall all the details of the abuse and reflect over how I was at fault. Reliving my abuse was excruciatingly retraumatizing and still causes me tremendous distress. Our new priest sided with him and was so focused on defending his fellow priest that he never expressed sympathy for me. Both priests asked me to pray for them as they carry their crosses, but neither one offered to pray for me or acknowledged the cross I carry. My parents and I trusted the Church would show compassion but were deeply grieved when we were dismissed and blamed.
Scarlett and her mother, Tina Tran, celebrate their shared birthday.
Q: It’s disturbing that the archdiocese dismissed your parents in the reporting process, and even more appalling that you were blamed. I can’t imagine the pain that caused. What has been the most useful in helping you heal?
A: The partnership between Awake and the Church is creating an effective network of resources for survivors like me as we work towards peace and healing, both within ourselves and in the relationship between abuse survivors and the Church. I was referred to Awake by a priest who is an Awake ally. Awake’s trainings helped him offer trauma-informed pastoral care to abuse survivors like me. He expressed deep sorrow over the wounds caused by not only my abuser, but also by the priests and other Church employees who failed to compassionately shepherd our family in our time of need. He offered to pray for my healing from the abuse, which no other clergy member had ever offered to do before. Once I got in touch with Awake, I was able to attend support groups and other meaningful events, such as Stations of the Cross with reflections written by survivors. It has been an immense comfort for me and a vital part of my healing to be understood and supported by an entire community of fellow survivors and one priest.
Q: I’m so glad the Awake community has supported you in your healing. Is there someone who inspires you or gives you hope as a survivor?
A: The courageous advocacy of other survivors and our allies gives me hope that change will come. My mother and biggest ally, Tina Tran, admonishes the Church and calls on Church leaders to listen to victims. She said, “My daughter was sexually assaulted and blamed for it by evil shepherds. I carried her in my body, so of course I carry her pain in my body even now. Every hurtful word spoken to silence or blame her is a rock thrown at me too. Every word or action against any abuse victim is a rock thrown at their Holy Mother too. If the Church keeps ignoring or blaming victims, do you think their Holy Mother will not see and hear and also feel the hurt that is caused?” Since the Church has not done enough to support survivors, my mom would like to offer her motherly consolation and advice to us. She asks us to remember that since Psalm 34 says God is close to the brokenhearted, He must be especially close to those whose hearts have been broken by His own Church.
Q: What true and wise words from your mom! As we wrap up our conversation, what’s one important idea that you would like Catholics to understand about sexual abuse in the Catholic Church?
A: After listening to the experiences of other immigrant families who endured clergy abuse and observing commonalities in our experiences, I believe there are still oversights in the Church’s child protection policies that could be addressed. Immigrant families often receive Church assistance in their homes and feel pressured to be cooperative with Church staff at the risk of having Church aid withdrawn. Yet, a study published in 2021 by CHILD USA found that only 28% of the 32 archdioceses in America have policies ensuring that people who report abuse will be protected against retaliation. The same study found that 31% of archdioceses did not develop codes of conduct for staff and volunteers when they interacted with children off Church grounds, such as when the Church offers assistance to immigrant families in their homes.
The aforementioned study by CHILD USA also notes that child protection policies are more effective in keeping children safe when all parents know how to recognize grooming and abuse as well as avenues for reporting abuse within the Church and to secular authorities. Yet, this study found that only 56% of archdioceses mention educational outreach to parents who are not volunteers or staff as part of their child protection policies. Impoverished immigrant families are often so busy attending to the exigencies of daily life that they do not have time to volunteer and, as a result, are not offered child protection training. Outreach for families who are not able to attend volunteer training could be done through multilingual informational packets mailed home or included in Sunday bulletins distributed at the end of Mass. My family hopes our story of being exploited due to our vulnerability as immigrants is taken to heart and that our testimony helps bring about change.
—Interview by Katie Burke-Redys
A Note from Awake
We extend heartfelt thanks to Scarlett Faltys-Burr for sharing her story. We also want to acknowledge that every survivor’s path is different. We honor the journeys of all who have experienced sexual abuse by Catholic leaders, and we are committed to bringing you their stories. In addition to Scarlett’s story, we encourage you to read our previous Survivor Stories here.
If you have experienced sexual abuse, you can receive support through the National Sexual Abuse Hotline, 800-656-4673, which operates 24 hours a day. If you seek support from the Catholic Church, you can find the contact information for your diocesan victim assistance coordinator here. Also, Awake is always open to listening to and learning from survivors. If you would like to connect with us, we invite you to email Survivor Support Coordinator Rebecca Dodge at rebeccadodge@awakecommunity.org.
