Rooted and Rising: Dr. Eileen Dombo Discusses Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
On Wednesday, April 22nd, Awake concluded the first season of Rooted and Rising, a series featuring presentations from mental health professionals to offer practical tools for healing. This event brought together attendees from across the United States and beyond, reflecting Awake’s growing community of survivors, loved ones, and supporters committed to healing and transformation.
Natalie Pucillo, Awake’s Survivor Resource Intern, began the event by introducing Eileen A. Dombo, PhD, LICSW as the evening’s presenter. Dr. Dombo is a clinical social worker who has been providing trauma therapy to sexual abuse survivors for 30 years. She is an Associate Professor, Assistant Dean, and Chair of the PhD Program at The Catholic University of America’s National Catholic School of Social Work, and the Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Religion and Spirituality in Social Work: Social Thought.
Eileen A. Dombo, PhD, LICSW
Dr. Dombo began her presentation by addressing participants: “I just want to say I appreciate you being here, whether it's you who've had this experience, or a loved one, someone you care about. It's really important to keep talking about it.”
She continued by speaking about what boundaries are, and why they matter so deeply in the context of interrelational trauma. She explained, “boundaries are basically our limits for what we need in establishing as much physical and emotional safety as we can.” Dr. Dombo shared that boundaries help us define what is okay and not okay for us, even when those needs are different from others. She spoke about how trauma is connected to a loss of control, and how healing can involve setting boundaries to gradually reclaim a sense of agency. “Healing takes time”, Dr. Dombo explained, and “small steps lead to bigger steps.”
She continued by acknowledging how difficult boundary setting can be. Dr. Dombo noted that, “often, the first thing that can bubble up is fear… ‘they won’t want to be friends with me,’ ‘I’ll lose my job,’ ‘it’ll have social consequences.’” She also recognized feelings of shame, which can prompt questions like, “what’s wrong with me that I have to do this?”. She reflected on how many of these responses are shaped by the ways we are “conditioned to override our internal alarm system… to make everybody else feel okay.” Throughout the conversation, Dr. Dombo emphasized that boundaries are not something negative or harmful but are healthy and can often help strengthen relationships.
Dr. Dombo invited participants to begin with awareness by recognizing feelings of discomfort and listening to what their body may be communicating. Next, she emphasised the importance of communication, recommending “to be direct and clear… using ‘I’ statements” when setting boundaries. She suggested practicing these statements ahead of time to build confidence in expressing personal needs. She also reminded the audience that “no is a complete sentence” and that boundaries do not require detailed explanations to be valid. She acknowledged that this process can feel uncomfortable, and encouraged attendees to stay grounded by recalling the purpose of their boundaries.
For the remainder of the evening, Dr. Dombo answered audience questions about setting boundaries in different relationships and environments. In response to a question about sharing personal experiences of abuse, she emphasised the importance of feeling safe and heard. She reminded survivors that “you don’t deserve to be invalidated, and your experience is a valid, true experience.” She encouraged participants to be mindful of who they choose to self-disclose to, and to seek out people who can receive their stories with care, respect and compassion.
As the event came to a close, Dr. Dombo shared a message with survivors, offering hope that “there are people in the world, and in our communities, who see you, and who love you, and who want you to feel safe. It's finding those people… that really matters. So, find your people... they'll support you in your healing, and they'll support you in your boundaries.”
Awake extends our gratitude to Dr. Eileen Dombo for her wisdom, and to everyone who was present for our final Rooted and Rising event of the season. We look forward to our second season next fall.
— Maddy Kash