Chuck Lovett
"I refuse to let the institution that didn’t stop these horrors dictate how I heal from them.”
Photo credit: Krisitian Thacker
Editor’s Note: This interview features a survivor’s story that includes a graphic description of childhood sexual abuse. His story may be triggering to some, so please use discretion when reading.
Awake: Thank you for being willing to share your story with the Awake community, Chuck. What would you like to share about yourself and your life apart from your abuse?
Chuck Lovett: I’m a 63-year-old food service professional, nearing retirement after nearly a 37-year career. I’m an avid music and sports fan, reader, and walker of the battlefields in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. I love gardening and care deeply about animal welfare. I currently live with three rescue cats and care for six community cats, along with my neighbors. Family time and time spent with friends are two of life’s greatest pleasures. My recent foray into survivor advocacy currently consumes much of my free time.
Q. Between your professional dedication and your personal commitments, you have created a life full of compassion and connection. What would you like the Awake community to know about your abuse?
A. My abuse by Catholic clergy occurred when I was around 12 years old. I went for a day trip with other young boys after catechism class one Sunday to visit the local seminary. The purpose of the trip was to learn about seminary life in case I wanted to enter the priesthood later in life. The seminary had an indoor pool, and we swam with numerous clergy as part of the afternoon’s activities.
The bishop of the diocese and a parish priest segregated me from the group. The other clergy and boys got dressed and went to lunch, and the three of us were alone in the locker room. That is when my abuse took place.
The parish priest digitally penetrated my anus and manually and orally manipulated my penis and scrotum. This occurred while sitting right next to the naked bishop who fondled and pleasured himself while the priest sexually abused me, doing nothing to stop it.
Unfortunately, this was not the first time I was sexually abused; a male babysitter previously abused me. I believe my parents intended to help me heal from this initial sexual abuse by sending me on this day trip, not knowing they were sending me from the frying pan into the fire. I am of the opinion that I am not the only young boy for whom that locker room became a place of tragedy. It was the perfect set-up for these monsters to commit their crimes of sexual assault.
Q. Chuck, the abuse you experienced horrifies me. I am so sorry. Why have you chosen to share your story with our community?
A. My reason for doing so is threefold. First, I feel my healing journey is very unique in that the diocese where my abuse occurred allowed me to use the funds they appropriated me for healing for two psilocybin journeys in Eugene, Oregon in July 2024. The diocese does not approve this type of treatment for survivors. Persuading them to appropriate funds for this treatment took significant effort. They required that a Pennsylvania licensed mental health professional sign off on such a treatment. I could not navigate that hurdle. I told them that I would take my story of abuse public if I wasn’t allowed to use the funds for this treatment. Only then did they agree to my request.
Second, I hope that sharing my story as a survivor helps pass Pennsylvania House Bill 462 in the state legislature this spring. This legislation will create a two-year revival window, allowing adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse to file civil lawsuits the statute of limitations currently bars.
Third, I share my story in homage to the victims who have died by suicide. May those who found the weight of what they endured within the Catholic Church unbearable rest in peace.
Q.You advocate for survivors with admirable commitment. What has challenged you most in your own journey as a survivor?
A. The cycle of starting and stopping my healing journey, time and time again, has been my biggest challenge. I never truly gave the sexual trauma I endured the credence it deserved until a few years ago, when I came to the realization that the miles traveled in my rearview mirror far outnumbered those still ahead of me.
I initially started my healing journey in my early 40s when my employer mandated that I take anger management classes to keep my job. For the very first time I told a mental health professional what happened to me as a child. I completed the training and then just went about my life as I had before, drinking and self-medicating to cover up the pain inside.
I returned to talk therapy here and there when life circumstances would get the best of me, such as another failed interpersonal relationship, etc. I’ve also taken runs at my sexual trauma via eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy and acupuncture treatments and have found both these modalities helpful.
My darkest period was in the summer of 2015, when life circumstances caused me to suffer a mental health breakdown. I was off work for over three months and became suicidal. I lost my sense of self during this time. I didn’t know it was possible to exist in such a chasm. I attended talk therapy twice weekly, and my doctor had me on several different medications to bring me back into the light. I cried every day for over a month because of the pain inside me and what these “men of God,” as I had been taught to believe, did to me.
Even after surviving that harrowing period of my life, I still didn’t confront the beast I knew controlled my thoughts, actions, and reactions to everyday situations, or learn to take charge of how I processed and responded to life, until I was 60.
Q. Healing from trauma rarely follows a straight line, and your story demonstrates that powerfully. Is there someone who has been particularly helpful in your healing and recovery?
A. I’ve worked at Gettysburg College since 2002. Shannon Keeler, who graduated from Gettysburg in 2017, was sexually assaulted by a fellow student during her first year. Her story of seeking justice against her attacker made international headlines. The strength, courage, and resiliency she demonstrated in her fight for justice inspired me while bargaining with the Catholic Church to let me use my designated funds for the healing treatment I so coveted for myself.
It took her 12 years to get the justice she deserved. Her fortitude motivated me to keep fighting the Catholic Church to permit me to access the therapeutic treatment I believed would help me heal from the trauma inflicted within their walls. Shannon never gave up. She and her story galvanized me in my struggle for my freedom of choice in my healing journey.
Q. I think many would agree with you about the power of witnessing the journeys of other survivors. What has been the most useful in helping you heal?
A. One word: psilocybin. Mother Earth takes such great care of her children by offering to us this medicine used by humans for eons. Imagine taking a drug just twice, and when people who’ve known you for decades see you afterward, they say things like, “You look so much less stressed,” or “I could tell you were a different person the moment I saw you.” That’s what happened after my psilocybin journeys. I haven’t seen or heard one pharmaceutical ad for any medication that attempts to defend such claims.
My second journey began as my first had: gently, feeling beautiful and safe. Then it shifted. I heard a voice saying, “Something’s wrong.” The sensations of the abuse returned. The experience was almost too much. But the voice spoke again, saying, “It’s going to be alright.” My facilitator later explained that the medicine often brings you to the places you need to revisit, and you have to follow where it leads.
Psilocybin healed my mental scars from that day. Beyond the physical violation of my body, the abuse stripped me of my sense of safety in that locker room. It hijacked my self-worth and identity and catastrophically injured my self-confidence. My mind did what it had to do to help me survive that day. I didn’t know at age 12 that this survival response would cloud my thoughts and mental state every day henceforth. Living with unresolved trauma kept my body in constant fight‑or‑flight.
Psilocybin didn’t erase the past, but it softened that fear and opened up new mental thought pathways my trauma response would not allow me to access before, thereby helping me become more compassionate and empathic towards others and myself. As one example of how I’ve changed, I used to cope with my childhood abuse with perfectionism. In the past, I've taken my hand and smashed a Rolodex full of business cards on my desk after making a mistake at work. Now, that kind of reaction is no longer part of my being. I accept that I am human, and failing is part of the human experience, so who knows if that reaction will resurface again. However, it's apparent to me and others that I am a changed human being after what I experienced in Oregon in July 2024. Words escape me to express the depth of gratitude I feel for having experienced my psilocybin journeys.
Q. I'm so glad you found healing in this therapeutic treatment after so many decades of suffering. Can you share with us what gives you hope as a survivor?
A. Last July at the national Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP) conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, I met and became friends with a fellow victim-survivor. We shared our victimization experiences with each other, and I also relayed my healing psilocybin experience. I also gave him my copy of the book, Trauma and Ecstasy: How Psychedelics Made My Life Worth Living, by Alex Abraham. He and I have stayed in touch since the conference. This past March, he traveled to Oregon to undergo two psilocybin ceremonies himself as part of his healing journey.
When I checked in with him after he returned home, the words he spoke to me gave me such hope for our fellow survivors. He said, “It was more than I could ever have hoped for.” I cried tears of joy after we hung up that day, and just thinking of the conversation brings those same joyful tears to my eyes.
Q. Thank you for sharing your story, Chuck. As we wrap up our conversation, is there something we haven't talked about that you’d like to share?
A. I’m eternally grateful to the diocese where my abuse took place for the funds the diocese appropriated to me for healing. After I had used the initial funds, to my surprise the diocese appropriated me half the original amount and told me these would be the last monies they would provide for my mental health therapy.
After I told the Victims Assistance Coordinator I wanted to use a portion of this final appropriation for a second psilocybin retreat in Oregon, she told me the approval of a Pennsylvania licensed therapist was non-negotiable this time. Without it, I am not able to use the funds to receive the care I found so beneficial from my initial psychedelic-assisted therapy sessions. I believe the one-time exception the diocese granted me to travel to Oregon and undergo the mental health therapy I chose for myself set a precedent. I want other victims to have the same right to access this alternative healing modality, if they choose to explore it and consider it the right choice for themselves in their healing journey.
I refuse to let the institution that didn’t stop these horrors dictate how I heal from them. What gives them any right in determining how I go about taking care of my mental health? I would love it if Pope Leo would buy me a hot dog and a beer at a White Sox game this summer and explain to me exactly why the Catholic Church feels they can control my body to this day, like I experienced at the hands of their employees in that locker room all those years ago. It is my body and my choice this time. That is non-negotiable as well. I would love to have this matter play out in the court of public opinion for the whole wide world to weigh in on it.
Thank you to Sara Larson for inviting me to share my story here with the Awake community. I appreciate the opportunity to reach other victims and hopefully provide some solace to those who read this account.
—Interview by Catherine Burke-Redys
Note from Awake: We extend heartfelt thanks to Chuck Lovett. for sharing his story. We also want to acknowledge that every survivor’s path is different. We honor the journeys of all who have experienced sexual abuse by Catholic leaders and are committed to bringing you their stories. In addition to Chuck’s story, we encourage you to read our previous Survivor Stories here.
If you have experienced sexual abuse, you can receive support through the National Sexual Abuse Hotline, 800-656-4673, which operates 24 hours a day. If you seek support from the Catholic Church, you can find the contact information for your diocesan victim assistance coordinator here. Also, Awake is always open to listening to and learning from survivors. If you would like to connect with us, we invite you to email Survivor Support Coordinator Rebecca Dodge at rebeccadodge@awakecommunity.org.
