Jennifer-Marie Burchell
“I am finally at a point
in my healing journey
where I can claiM
my own story.”
Awake: Hi, Jennifer-Marie! Thank you for sharing your story with our community. What would you like to share about yourself and your life?
Jennifer-Marie Burchell: I work as a parish secretary in La Crosse, Wisconsin. I am also an ecclesiastical seamstress and love to spend time designing and constructing Church vestments. I specialize in restoring and repairing older vestments. I love to save embroidery and remount it on new vestments so it will enjoy many more years of use. I am in my mid-50s and blessed with one daughter who has been understanding about the abuse I suffered as a teenager and has been supportive of my healing journey.
Q: Your seamstress work sounds wonderful. And it’s so good to hear that your daughter has been a source of support. What would you like to share about your abuse?
A: I am a victim of ritual clergy abuse that began when I was 12 and ended when I was 16. There were several adolescents in my parish who were also abused and sometimes it occurred in a group. The abuse was very sacrilegious in nature and involved the use of the sacraments and rituals of the Church. The priest had been moved several times before he came to our parish, and someone had raised concerns about him during his seminary years. Because of the scandalous nature of the abuse, the case became very public and received a lot of media attention. This has made it difficult to finally tell the story that I should have owned all along.
Q: Jennifer-Marie, I’m so sorry that you were hurt and not given a voice in the aftermath of the abuse. Could you say a little about why you decided to share your story now, with our community?
A: I think the reason is just that—it is my story. My legal case—which included other victims—was in a way hijacked by the media, the diocese, and even other parishioners. They decided how the story was told and were given more of a voice than we were as the victim-survivors. We felt abandoned and blamed by the court of public opinion, but especially by the man who was bishop at the time and the two subsequent bishops. Thanks to my involvement in Awake, I am finally at a point in my healing journey where I can claim my own story. I have realized that I was not the source of scandal.
Q:Yes, it was not your fault! What an important and powerful realization. What has surprised you most in your journey as a survivor?
A: I am in an unusual situation as a survivor because I currently work for the Catholic Church as a parish secretary and as a vestment maker, so I am always in the company of priests. I had distanced myself from the faith for over 35 years and worshipped as part of another denomination but I reverted three years ago. The biggest surprise to me is that it has been with the help of several good Catholic priests that I feel I have finally begun to heal. This doesn’t mean that I am not triggered by past traumatic wounds, but these priests have been incredibly supportive: paying for me to attend a powerful retreat, helping me cope with trauma responses, praying with me, and just being willing to listen. I never thought I would trust a Catholic priest again but now I claim a few of them as good friends.
Q: It’s beautiful that you have found this valuable support. Given all that you have experienced, how would you describe your relationship with the Catholic Church?
A: This is the hardest question. Because of the nature of the abuse, I still struggle with the sacraments. My trauma response is such that I can’t make myself go into a confessional, so I have to arrange to meet with a priest outside of a reconciliation room. The Mass itself can be difficult—I often experience flashbacks to the degree that it is my priest abuser’s hands that I see at the altar and not those of the current celebrant. Since the elements of Holy Communion were desecrated during my abuse, I am rarely able to receive that sacrament. It makes me desperately sad, but I continue to work toward healing and, God willing, a day when I am able to receive these graces unencumbered.
Q: Jennifer-Marie, I’m so sorry that receiving the Eucharist triggers trauma symptoms for you. This is painful to hear, and we will pray for your continued healing. What have you learned that you think other victim-survivors might benefit from hearing?
A: I wish I had discovered sooner that you have to claim your story. It is yours. I have learned that the narrative should have been mine all along, even though I was a teenager. Don’t let others tell you what they think happened to you. Don’t let them diminish or try to excuse what happened. Even well-intentioned people tell me how I should feel, what I should have done then, or what I should do now. Don’t let anyone hijack your story, your truth, or your healing. I would also suggest that you write things down—even if it is just some dates and events. You don’t have to write an emotion-filled journal if you don’t want to, but write down the facts of your story so that one day you can share it if you wish.
Jennifer-Marie’s Vestment Work
Jennifer-Marie Burchell enjoys sewing vestments for Catholic priests, and you can see photos of her work here. (We know that seeing clothing worn by priests can be triggering for some survivors, so we have placed these photos in a separate spot.)
Q: Thank you for trusting us to hear your story, Jennifer-Marie. As we close, what’s one idea that you would like Catholics to understand about sexual abuse in the Catholic Church?
A: Some leaders in the Church believe they have fully addressed clergy abuse by settling legal claims, penalizing abusers, and establishing safe environment programs that reduce future clergy abuse. Yet there are many victim-survivors and our families and friends who continue to live in pain.
I am very frustrated when Catholics, including clergy, say hurtful things like “You all received compensation so you should be fine” or “It was a long time ago and you should be over it.” Such people see us as a problem to be swept away or hidden. Victim-survivors are not a problem. We are people whom Jesus wants to heal.
I really want people to understand how limited the resources are to help us heal. My diocese, for example, has a “pledge to heal.” These words are on a poster hanging in every church office and hall, but there are currently no real opportunities or ministries to help us do that. Awake continues to be one of the few places we are safe to tell our stories. Catholics need to know that we are still out here. We are still hurting and still healing, and we deserve better.
—Interview by Erin O’Donnell
A Note from Awake
We extend heartfelt thanks to Jennifer-Marie Burchell for sharing her story. We also want to acknowledge that every survivor’s path is different. We honor the journeys of all who have experienced sexual abuse by Catholic leaders and are committed to bringing you their stories. In addition to Jennifer-Marie’s story, we encourage you to read our previous Survivor Stories here.
If you have experienced sexual abuse, you can receive support through the National Sexual Abuse Hotline, 800-656-4673, which operates 24 hours a day. If you seek support from the Catholic Church, you can find the contact information for your diocesan victim assistance coordinator here. Also, Awake is always open to listening to and learning from survivors. If you would like to connect with us, we invite you to email Executive Director Sara Larson at saralarson@awakecommunity.org.
Awake is a community that strives to be compassionate, survivor-centered, faithful, welcoming, humble, courageous, and hopeful. We thank you for choosing your words with care when commenting, and we reserve the right to remove comments that are inappropriate or hurtful.
